Micro-aggressions

A microaggression is an act or conversation that causes harm or insult to a person. These insults might be intentional or unintentional. Because we all do not share the same experiences and are a very diverse society, we are all prone to engage in them and/or experience them in some form.

I crochet as a hobby and I often do it in public on my lunch break or at the doctor's office. I have been crocheting since I was a teenager and have enjoyed it ever since I first learned thanks to my grandmother. I will get looks and on a few occasions people (who don't know me) have told me that I don't look like someone who knits. Two things wrong with these comments. First: Who do you think would you expect to see doing this and why do I not look like I would fit into that image? Second: Its crochet, not knitting. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to explain to people that it is crochet and not knit. To me, these experiences are not so much offensive but more frustrating and annoying. I certainly understand the confusion.

            A few weeks ago, my neighbor was out watering her flowers and as I was getting into my car, she made a comment about my husband being behind on cutting the grass. While we do go longer than most cutting it, I cut it just as much as he does. It depends on who has the time. Chris travels quite a bit for work so I will do it while he is gone. She had good intentions. She did not mean anything bad by her comment. I did not take offense to it but I did think to myself that she believes in the stereotype that men are primarily responsible for cutting the grass. Since we both work full time, we also share the responsibilities of the home equally and depending on our work load.

Since we got married, Chris and I have experienced many microaggressions that are associated with the institution of marriage, especially when people find out that he works out of town a majority of the year. He works with a majority of men who come from broken marriages and have negative perceptions of it. They say things like: Your wife will start slacking on taking care of you and will eventually cheat on you after 5 years. They say that marriage messes up good things. We actually both feel that getting married has made us closer. Chris tells me what they say when they say it and he tells me that he responds in a way that shows his dedication to me and that basically tells them that they are wrong. There are no hard feelings between him and his co-workers. He is patient and just gets a little disappointed that he is not surrounded by more men that share his feelings on the matter and that express their joys of being married. We both don’t mind being away from each other and this was a topic we discussed in detail before we decided to get married. I do, however, realize that this type of living/marriage situation is the minority. On one occasion, I was working with a teacher who told me that because Chris works out of town, he will eventually cheat on me. Her ignorance and lack of sensitivity upset me and I quickly corrected her by saying that not all couples in this situation are the same. She apologized and exclaimed that she did not realize her words would offend me. Her thoughts on the matter have been forever changed by our conversations and I am glad for that.  These comments Chris and I hear effect me because they directly go against some of my most strongly held beliefs and way of living and thinking. 

While I understand that a little over half of all marriages end in divorce these days, I really wish there were more people around me who believe in it and have good positive thoughts on the matter. I even hear negative comments about marriage from married people. I wish they would understand that not all marriages are doomed. I like being surrounded by positive, non-toxic people who do not let their own experiences bring others down. This goes for all groups who have had negative experiences. Ultimately, it is the haters who I feel for. If anything, it should be for their sake that they behave in a more loving and accepting way. They will feel better when they stop projecting their negative experiences on other people and when they move on and just try to learn from their experiences. Love always wins and I just keep reminding myself how fortunate I am to be a part of all the identities and groups I am a part of.

Perspectives on Culture and Diversity

This week I asked three people two questions: 1. What is your definition of culture? 2. What is your definition of diversity? I enjoyed this assignment because it allowed me to get an idea of how other people view culture and diversity, which was interesting.

I will start with my mother’s answers. I like going to her for answers because she always shares something new and insightful.

1.Wow, okay. Culture is a group of people who share the same beliefs and way of living.

 This is a pretty simple answer and goes along with what I have been learning about culture. Her answer is not specific but it is correct and to the point.

2. Diversity is learning and accepting other’s cultures.

 This too is a basic description and supports what I have been learning about as it relates to diversity. In our conversation I added that individual people can be diverse as well as groups or classrooms.

            The second person I interviewed is of Jewish descent and my director at my preschool. I value anything she has to say.

1. Culture is the unique attributes of a person or group of people that help guide their decisions and behaviors. It is one’s way of life.

This also backs up what I have been studying about culture. She did not get specific so these aspects of her definition of culture where omitted; things similar to how Nadiyah Taylor, from the video from week 2, described culture: the way one moves and makes eye contact.  

2. Diversity is accepting and respecting  the differences in everyone. It is being part of a group of various cultures. Diversity is a really good thing. It enhances the learning environment.

This is a good answer that supports my understanding of the term. She included a thought that supports how it applies to my work in the field.

            

            The third person I interviewed was my neighbor. His responses were simple as well.

1. Culture is the way people do things and live.

He gave a correct answer that basically goes along with my studies. Again it is not detailed so this tells me that he only has a simple view of it, yet knows that it is complex and just not sure exactly how. I enlightened him on the more complex, deeper definition that we have been learning, such as that it is more than just what we see on the outside.

2. Diversity is the mixture of different people. It is showing love and appreciation for other cultures.

I like this definition because while it is similar to the other definitions, it includes “how” the definition means that it is acceptance. Showing love and appreciation are more ways of accepting others. Again this supports what I have been learning. It needs more specifics though to truly support what I have been learning.

This was a meaningful assignment for me because it showed me that some people don’t understand the complexity of these terms. I feel that they know that the complexity is there, they just can’t put it into words. It took them a minute to answer so I know they thought about it but they were short answers and I kind of had to pull it out of them. They agreed with everything I said as I was elaborating on their answers.

My Family Culture

Our post this week is our response to this scenario: A major catastrophe has almost completely devastated the infrastructure of your country. The emergency government has decided that the surviving citizens will be best served if they are evacuated to other countries willing to take refugees. You and your immediate family are among the survivors of this catastrophic event. However, you have absolutely no input into the final destination or in any other evacuation details. You are told that your host country’s culture is completely different from your own, and that you might have to stay there permanently. You are further told that, in addition to one change of clothes, you can only take 3 small items with you. You decide to take three items that you hold dear and that represent your family culture.

The first item I would bring is my grandmother’s wedding ring. This ring was passed down to me and it is one of the most treasured items I have. The second thing is my binder with all my ancestry and my pictures. The ancestry information goes all the way back to the 14^th century and includes pictures of my ancestors from the 19^th century. My great aunt gave me this binder and it will be good to share how my family came to be and my heritage. The third thing is a huge bag of yarn to create things. I have been crocheting since I was a young girl and I love to make just about anything I can: blankets, clothes, cloths, ect…

Upon finding out that I can only take one thing with me, I would take my grandmother’s ring. I have read my ancestry over and over again and spent many hours researching it. If that information needed to come up again, I could muster up some of it from memory. I cannot replace the ring so it is more important to me.

This has been an intriguing subject to ponder on. It has been somewhat difficult to pick out the items. It was also eye opening in that I have a better understanding of items and their importance in my life and in a time like this.  I hope that my items and family culture that I bring will help this new country and the people in it.